I am coming back to the understanding of emotional eating. I don’t remember ever being so cognizant of it before. Last night I had the scariest dream of being chased that I’ve ever had. I was with a group of people trying to hide from a really fast really ripped mutant guy who would lock onto you if you were the unfortunate one he sniffed out or if you made too much noise while running away and trying to hide. Every step I took was really loud. Every door I opened and every stairwell I jumped down from led right to where he was. I even had a spear in my hand and I was terrified. I was really in fear for my life and there was no escape.
Needless to say I woke up with a great deal of anxiety. Chase dreams tend to mean you are worried about something. I wanted nothing more than to just grab whatever food — processed crap or not — and shove it in my mouth to ease the stress. I’m so glad I ripped up those coupons from Pizza Hut the other day. But I really just want a friggin cookie or a cake or a pie. Something really sweet and wheaty and awful for me. Because that’s what I used to turn to. So don’t get me wrong, this isn’t a craving because I miss how I used to eat.
As expected, little got done today. I finished the book I was reading. Grim Tuesday by Garth Nix. Part of a series called The Keys to the Kingdom. I’m rereading them so I can finally read Lord Sunday which I got like years ago but said I’d reread the books to remember what was happening. I forgot a LOT of things, but it’s slowly coming back to me. I like a good kiddy fantasy book.
I put some more clothing away…y’know what? I’m not even going to pull out the few little things I did today. Really I just watched TV all day as I fretted over this and that and how it might be four months before I see my boyfriend again. I hate Panera and I hate the holiday season this year. And I’ll be scrouge-like all I want, thank you very much.
On top of all that, I missed my burlesque class tonight because I thought it started at 8pm when it really started at 7pm. Fan-friggin-tastic. On the bright side of that though, I got to watch the Devils rape the Flyers with their own hockey sticks while sipping my coconut milk smoothie. Mmmmm…but still not the treat I want. And I very well may treat myself tomorrow. Let’s say if I get this job, I get a GF cookie. If I don’t…well I’ll just have to cough up for the vanilla extract and make my own cookies. Cheaper. Actually, maybe I should just do that regardless. If I feel like turning my oven on more…maybe I should reverse those two rewards.
So. Yeah. That’s today. The anxiety lessened throughout, but it was still a rollercoaster of emotions and sugary, chocolatey cravings. But I am proud to say that I didn’t cave at all! One full week back on the clean track. Oh, I’ve also decided to stop using the terms Primal and paleo. I’m just referring to it as clean eating or SAD (Standard American Diet) eating. Labels are just that: labels. What’s important isn’t if you follow a label, but if you eat cleanly so your body is at its healthiest and you feel your best. And heaven knows I do!
Oh my. I have that meeting with a potential boss tomorrow. Oh goodness. I’m suddenly a bit nervous. Wish me luck!
- BREAKFAST: Two burgers, roasted sweet potatoes
- DINNER: 3 fried eggs with tomato sauce
- SNACK: Coconut milk smoothie with raspberries, lemon juice and zest, cinnamon, and stevita