On Today’s Menu: Saturday January 18, 2014

My January spending is a little out of control. The small things started adding up. I’m still saving A LOT this month, but I think that’s made me too comfortable with the card. I’m paying for the Stadium Series bar meal with cash. If I don’t have it, I’m not spending it. . . .it’s still plenty of cash because I already budgeted it aside. Woo!! FRIED THINGS AND ALCOHOL! I’m not a role model. I’m just your everyday girl with everyday self image and laziness and money troubles.

I had a breakfast english muffin for brunch at Puppetry. Mornings are hard when it comes to eating. I simply don’t give myself enough time in the morning. And no, I’m not waking up earlier. This is something I will just deal with. I like sleep. I’ll pack a lunch and if I can’t quite get to lunch, I’ll snack on a little something. Usually it’s a larabar or fruit. Today, I wanted to save my larabar for later and I didn’t have to spend anything additional because we have such sweethearts at Puppetry who bring us food sometimes.

Often.

And I wasn’t hungry by the time I left work so I left my lunch there for tomorrow. I guess the bread lasted me long enough. Still not what I wanted to subject myself too. I’ve really gotta put my foot down. It needs to be gluten free even on the 20% side of the 80/20. So we’ll ignore the frozen personal pizza I nabbed with my Kroger Free Friday coupon. I haven’t eaten it yet. I still have the lingering screams of the 7 hour heartburn episode in my brain. Not enough to kick the bad stuff for good, but enough to force me to seriously think before I overdue the crap I’m bound to ingest before long.

I went to pick up my prescription after work, but left my new health insurance card at home so that just pissed me off. I decided to blow off some steam by going up to CWPrice and buying the sweater I had my eye on. I ended up buying three other tops and not the sweater because it looked bad on me. But the three tops were only about $15! And one of them — obviously the one I can’t wear until the warm weather returns — is GORGEOUS! Like simple but so awesome! And a pretty blue! And lace! Go me!

Today then became a day for feeling sorry for myself. I don’t appreciate it. I was fine at work. Then there was the annoyance at Kroger pharmacy, then the day just went to hell. Worrying about how I eat, what I spend, what I’m doing with my life. Yeah, that wasn’t fun. The whole what-are-you-doing-with-your-pathetic-life-and-why-aren’t-you-trying-harder inward debate SUCKS. I think my hormones are a little out of whack since that hellish time of month screwed up and came a week early, but like, not really, but yes really. There has been weirdness in my feels. I feel so high strung and irritable and my fuse is not even an inch long lately. I need some relaxation techniques. Techniques that don’t include eating, because I’m already well versed in that. I think that’s also why I haven’t been updating the last few days. No interest in writing, certainly not about myself, and certainly not when I could sit and mope and watch TV instead. So those days are written down, but they’re stuck in my journal.

This needs to change.

MENU

  • BREAKFAST: Sausage, egg, and cheese english muffin franken-food
  • SNACK: Lara bar
  • DINNER: Salmon, veggie medley
  • SNACK: 5 Enjoy Life soft baked cookies (I’m having emotional issues tonight. At least I didn’t spend anything extra on the indulgence)
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