I’m riding a righteous wave of determination right now. This time around on the detox, I can count on one hand the number of times I’ve allowed myself to be so emotional that I might want to break. The completely immature triggers make me laugh on hindsight. The underlying cause is almost always loneliness. (That part isn’t funny, but the symptoms that creep up are so childish, it’s pretty funny. Like pouty kid funny. Before the tantrum begins, funny.) For example:
I wish I could be with my family doing fun things with them–>lonely.
I wish I could jump down to Bahama Breeze to meet my friends and the boyfriend–> lonely.
I wish my dishes would magically do themselves via roommate/boyfriend powers–> lonely. Yes, even my cravings for convenience that I lack from clean eating draws its essence from loneliness. Fascinating.
But before I worry my mom with metacognition, I’m doing EXTREMELY well this week! The last week and a half really! Maybe this detox was the boost I needed to finally own up to what I’ve let slide in the past. Maybe this was the catalyst for change I needed. Whatever the case may be, I’m thrilled with my progress and my current attitude! I walked through hell in the form of Family Dollar while feeling a bit down and I walked out unscathed. THAT, my fellow poor kid sugar addicts, is progress.
Just one more weekend stands between me and vacation with the boyfriend and my family! How can I NOT be thrilled?? And through all of this excitement, the most glorious thing happened: I won a battle of Brenna vs. sweets. Game 5 of the Stanley Cup Finals came on (SUCK IT RANGERS!!) and I faced temptation head on. Instead of buying a Sonic milkshake or chips or even drinking the Fireball whiskey I still have left, I sauteed apples in coconut oil and topped them with toasted, salted macademia nuts. It was the most glorious taste sensation about which I could feel completely guiltless! The nuts honestly tasted like popcorn! I was so satisfied.
Then the glorious battle continued! Saturday after work I went home and maturely debated whether or not I wanted some gluten free waffles as breakfast for dinner. Switch up my flavors for my taste buds. I decided I did. Before I made them, I made sure to roast up broccoli and cabbage so I would have side dishes for the rest of the week and not allow any cravings to beat me. Then I ate the waffles with organic nutella and melted honey with cinnamon. Sugar? Yup. Don’t care! You know why? Because I beat it. I won! I didn’t binge on the rest of the box of waffles. I didn’t scoop out another spoonful of honey. I didn’t run to Kroger to buy more Snowballs or glazed fruit pies or doughnuts. I beat sugar. And in the morning, I ate a fantastic breakfast and went about my day with only a minor sugar hangover.
That’s what this detox was for: finding that moment when I could make choices as a grown-ass woman and not a sniveling child. This is my victory with the detox. If nothing else, I will always cherish this victory.